


every little fracture point

by Eissel



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: 5 Things, Angst, Berthold Hawkeye Was a Shitty Father, Character Study, Gen, Minor Violence, Short One Shot, There's Royai here b/c I can't control myself but it's background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 12:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21271031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eissel/pseuds/Eissel
Summary: Riza’s life has been lived in defiance, and she has the memories to prove it.





	every little fracture point

**Author's Note:**

> Andalusite - a mineral consisting of a silicate of aluminum usually in thick orthorhombic prisms of various colors.
> 
> Often called the “Seeing Stone”, it is rumored to allow people to see without bias.

i. _Father_ _ \- Andalusite represents independence  _

Riza remembers distantly, visions of a blonde woman sweeping through her childhood room like an explosion of color and sound. She remembers vibrancy, she remembers a time before the silence and dull grays. 

(It never lasts)

As she grows, that color disappears, just like the woman who had brought it with her. She and her father grow apart, as he dives deeper into alchemy, deeper into madness. Riza throws herself into her schoolwork, throws herself into other pursuits. 

She won’t lose herself to alchemy like her father. Not if she can help it.

ii._ Miner _\- _Andalusite represents practicality_

It’s Riza’s idea to ration the food, her idea to sell off some of their meagre possession to stay afloat. It’s Riza’s idea to learn to hunt so that they won’t have to spend so much money on meat, and so they can get a bit of an income. 

She watches from the window as the older boys and girls head off to the limestone mines, watches as the women rub their fingers raw as they wash the dirty clothes. 

(She never sees the men anymore, they always stay in the mines)

She clutches her rifle to her chest. Not for the first time, she’s glad to be a hunter, she doesn’t want the life of a breaker gal, doesn’t want to venture down into the mines with a possibility that she might never come back. 

She walks out the door, hands steady on the body of the gun.

iii.  _ Ambition- Andalusite represents achievement _

When Riza fails to succeed at alchemy, she feels nothing. When she gets off a good shot with her rifle, she feels elated. That’s the way it’s been ever since she picked up the gun and learned to shoot. 

Selling the meat and fur and getting a good price makes her heart race. It’s all the mundane, small, everyday things that bring her joy. 

Once upon a time, she might’ve tried to advance further, but her ambition had been born out of a little girl looking for her father to love her. She had learned all too quickly that he didn’t care anymore, and with that fact had gone her ambition.

(She lies to herself, she still wants him to love her)

When she gets back, there’s a boy sitting on her doorstep. He glances up, and his black eyes glance at the dead rabbit in her hands and the rifle strapped to her back. Another apprentice. She waits for his disdain. 

“What kind of rifle is that?” He asks, and she nearly drops the meat. 

“What?” She asks dumbly, her voice weak from disuse. He points to the rifle. 

“The rifle. What kind is it? It looks like it’s a bolt rifle, yeah?” She nods, and he beams. “Neat! Oh, wait, er… Do you live here?” His face turned red. Her lips quirked up. 

“I do. I’m Riza Hawkeye.”

“You… You’re his daughter?” She nods. “Oh. Well, I’m Roy Mustang. I’ll be living with you from now on… Hopefully.” 

She watches as he turns redder, and chokes back a laugh. She can see the tenseness in his muscles, see the spark that lies in his eyes. He’s not like the other apprentices.

(Riza feels a little bit of hope again)

Her father tells her not to interact with him, but she defies him anyways. He flares; just like the alchemy her father obsesses over. She’s drawn to him, a moth to light. 

(Sparks fly between them, and they burn her father’s rules in a bed of ash)

iv. _ Military - Andalusite is believed to be able to reset your feelings _

The desert is hot and cold. Their relationship is hot and cold. 

They went from kissing in the hollow under the stairs to watching each other from across the dunes. 

The wind whips her hair around, and she feels him gently clip it up. 

“Careful Riza.” He whispers in her ear. 

“Be careful.” She scoffs. “You shouldn’t be saying that to me.”

“Cold Riza, cold.” His breath ghosts against her neck. 

“One of us has to be.” She stalks off, leaving him in the sands.

She pulls the trigger on her rifle and kills the burgeoning relationship in its cradle.

(She’s always been bad at putting out sparks)

When she gets back to the sniper’s nest she shares with her partner, he whistles. 

“Hey Hawkeye, I saw you with the Major, something there between you two?” She looks into green eyes, and imagines black ones, dark as night. 

“There’s nothing between us.”

(She lies to herself again)

v. _Perception_ _ \- Andalusite is rumored to help with self-reflection _

When she looks at the mirror, she sees her scars first. The burnt skin that peeks out under her bra strap, the rope burn on her wrists, the shrapnel pock marks on her chest. 

(The array.)

Her hand brushes against them, and she remembers each incident. 

Her hand ghosts to the scar on her neck, a thin silver line. Her fingertips tremble as they touch it, and she remembers the dank dark depths under Central, remembers how it felt as the sword sliced through her neck, remembers Roy burying his head in the crook of her neck after they got out of the hospital, and berating himself for forgetting his medical alchemy studies, remembers trying to repay Mei and getting rebuffed. 

She draws back, and pulls her hair up instead. She finishes dressing, and grabs her gun. Holstering it, her hand fails to pull away. 

(He trusted her, even now, despite her failure) 

Her hand trembles, then steadies. She’s not okay, not yet. 

She will be.

(She doesn’t lie to herself this time)


End file.
